Chronic Illness and disappointment are not alone mutually exclusive, we all experience disappointment regardless of our health issues but living with Chronic Illness means that it definitely comes with the territory. To have your hopes and dreams knocked out of your reach due to ongoing health problems can be a very upsetting thing to go through time after time. To be unable to achieve things that most people take for granted in their day to day lives can be heartbreaking. But as I mentioned, this is something that is not exclusive to our ” health problems”. Everyone will have to cope with disappointment at some point or time in their lives. Sometimes it is not our own actions or abilities that creates that sinking feeling, sometimes it is through our relationships, family, friendships etc that you get hit with the disappointment stick. It doesn’t matter where it comes from, what does matter is what you do next…….
It would be very easy to become bitter and negative when someone or something disappoints you. It is after all part of our nature to avoid that which hurts us and we often somehow think that by becoming “harder” that we are saving ourselves future heartbreak. Unfortunately this isn’t so. If we can use that disappointment to create a positive change in our lives then it will make us a stronger, more resilient.
When I suffer a disappointment this quote helps me focus…..
“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” – Eliza Tabor
I then do two things. Firstly, I acknowledge that I am disappointed. This is sounds ridiculously simple but you would be surprised how often we walk around pretending, denying that they are disappointed. To acknowledge it straight up gives you the chance to move past it. We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge. We also cannot learn from something if we deny our feelings about it in the first place. Take the time you need to acknowledge your disappointment and any other feelings that come with it. Don’t believe talk that the best thing to do is move on quickly, like it never happened. It will then never be resolved, you will not gain the lesson that you needed to get from that situation. Sit with it a while. Don’t wallow but look at how it was brought about, how it makes you feel and then, secondly, look at what you can do to move forward, lessons learnt. This is not a process that will happen overnight but it is something that deserves some soul searching for a couple of days at least. My personal way of dealing with disappointment is to write it all down. Get it out of my head and into a journal or anything I have close by. If someone else is involved, write them a heart felt letter and then sit on it. You do not have to send it, if, once you have the advantage of time and space, you feel it an important step in your recovery, then do so. If you have someone that you can trust with your feelings than also talk it out. I feel the more you are able to get it out of your head than quicker and better you recover from it. I also take notice that I am going to be feeling fragile and emotional so I am not so hard on myself and remove myself from other situations that could upset me until I am feeling strong enough to deal with anything that may arise from my disappointment.
It will not be easy, it will really sting, but you will come out the other side, probably much sooner than you expected. Be gentle on yourself and remember that this will strengthen, not destroy you.
All the best, Lily
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